Friday, July 22, 2011

Unconditional

Perhaps I have written a post already on this topic - unconditional love.  Maybe?  I'm too lazy to go back and look.

Unconditional love - that phrase gets thrown around a lot when discussing the relationship between children and parents/caretakers (groan - yes, another blog post about freaking parenting).  On the drive to work this morning, I was thinking about the dance party Aggie and I had in the bathroom while I was getting ready and the look in her eyes when she would look at me.  Lots of love and adoration and trust and excitement in those eyes.  And my first thought was, "How wonderful unconditional love is."  My second thought was, "Unconditional phewy.  I've worked really hard for that love."  It's true.  I have worked hard to cultivate a strong relationship with my daughter, one that is based on trust, boundaries, caring and fun.  Granted, my efforts sometimes backfire.  But when she runs up to me and grabs me around the knees, I've earned that.  And I will keep working to earn that.

So, I don't believe in unconditional love.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I do believe it exists, particularly between children and those that care for them, but it's like the filling in a layer cake - thin and yummy and the glue that keeps the substantial parts of the cake together, but by no means the substance of the cake.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

An Ending

I decided to stop breast feeding today.  As in, today is the last day.  And I am sad about it.  Ready to cry.  Mimi doesn't need, doesn't even really want it.  I suspect I never had quite enough to sustain her.  But I loved the closeness, the chill time together.

Sigh.